Top Ten Ways to emo-tify your blog. December 1, 2007
1.Portray self as Tragic Hero: “oh, woe be me!” *beats chest and tears hair ala gothic drama*2.Use an appropriate form – The Dramatic monologue and/or soliloquy: “i hate you so much, you think you know me. But you don’t. Why do you hurt me so?” (goes on for a page or two)
3. Original Poetic expression: *insert an original poor excuse of a “poem”* (which is incidentally, just a mish-mash of words organised in non-prosaic manner. gah)
4. Use of expletives to express your moral outrage and high moral authority: “f***! you b****, @#!%$^%&@!#!@#&^&#!”
5. Make false promises of grandeur: “i will grow strong.”
6. Adopt Keatsian Romantic Delusion. A Only-type-the-good-things syndrome.(this is the subtext that is not typed out)even though you abuse me/treat me like shit/ignore me/don’t know of my existence/have a boyfriend/wife/are an alcoholic/insert any vice (this is what is seen) i will always love you!
7. Use of Music and Sound to heighten emotions and express feelings. *insert lyrics of emo song*
8. Use of extreme language and emphasis through use of capital letters, bolding and coloured words: “i will never be as low/stupid/insert other vice as YOU.”
9. Use of “fullstops” (they are called “ellipsis” if you didn’t know) to give an impression of being draggy: “sianzzzz….” or tired. “I just want to sleep…….i wish i could sleep….why does my life suck…haiz….”
10. layer or texturing vocabularly to increase dramatic effect: “the mundanity of life, the pain of love, the emptiness of friendship”
there, now go out there and conquer the blogosphere with your emo blogs!
